


Out of Breath

by siriuslynewt



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Friends to Lovers, Healing, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 05:45:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13404696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslynewt/pseuds/siriuslynewt
Summary: "It was getting cold all around the room. Harry began to have trouble breathing. He couldn’t hear Pansy anymore. He couldn’t look at Draco lifelessly laying on his bed. It was too much. So he ran. Ran out of his room. Out of the 8th year common room. Death was surrounding him again."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this fic I'm working on ! I don't have a set update schedule for this, so I'll update it whenever I can. Please follow my Tumblr - siriuslynewt !

“Where’s Draco?” Pansy asked. “Why isn’t he down for breakfast yet?”

There was an alarmed look on Pansy’s face. Her shoulders were tensed, her eyes kept flickering towards the doors as she fiddled with her fingers on the side of her thigh.

“He was still sleeping by the time I left the room. I didn’t dare wake him up since he threatened to hex me the last time I did.” Harry explained as he took a sip of his morning pumpkin juice.

“Are you sure he was asleep and that he wasn’t-” Pansy abruptly stopped talking. “Oh no.”

Pansy ran off out of the Great Hall and before Harry could ask what was going on, he ran off after her.

“Pansy, wait!” Harry panted as he finally caught up with her.

“Treacle Tart!” Pansy yelled at the portrait to get inside the 8th year common room.

Harry saw the look of fear and determination in Pansy’s eyes as she ran up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory searching for the room. The room he shared with Draco upon returning the Hogwarts.

Pansy busted into the room and pulled Draco’s curtains back.

“Draco!” She bawled out. “Potter, call McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey! Now!”

Quick to think, Harry casted his patronus.

“Expecto Patronum!” Harry called out. “Headmistress, get Madame Pomfrey and head to my room...Draco he’s-”

Harry looked at Pansy whispering to Draco to breathe. Tears were falling down her face.

“I think he tried to kill himself.” He finished as he sent the message off.

_Dead. Dying._

It was getting cold all around the room. Harry began to have trouble breathing. He couldn’t hear Pansy anymore. He couldn’t look at Draco lifelessly laying on his bed. It was too much. So he ran. Ran out of his room. Out of the 8th year common room. Death was surrounding him again.


	2. Chapter 2

A white light engulfed his mind. He knew this place. He remembered being there not long ago. It was too bright. It was too much.

“Harry!”

He heard someone shout, but they were too far away. It was like they were miles away from him.

A tall bearded man was reaching out to him. Inviting him to follow. To go to the light. He was dying again.

“Get out of my head!” Harry yelled as he scratched and thrashed at his head. Trying to make it go away. He couldn’t relive dying again. He couldn’t.

“Mate, you’re hurting yourself!”

“Harry, stop!”

It was that voice again, along with someone else.

_Ron and Hermione._

Trying to regain his breath and stop letting his mind take over, he slowly opened his eyes.

His eyes weren’t focusing. Tears were clouding his eyesight. He hadn’t known he was crying. Everything around him was moving. It came out all at once. His morning pumpkin juice had spilled from his mouth as he tried gaining control of his surrounding.

He was at the bottom steps of the entrance. Ron and Hermione were standing at the top step, afraid if they went near him, he would collapse.

“Mate. Are you okay? Is Malfoy-” Ron stopped and looked to Hermione before he finished what he wanted to ask.

“Harry, we saw your patronus. We heard what you said. Actually, everyone in the Great Hall did.” Hermione explained. “What happened?”

_Draco laying on his bed. Dying. It was cold. All around._

“Harry.”

A warm hand was placed on his back. His eyes focused to see Hermione right by him now keeping him from falling.

“I…I don’t know. Pansy. She…she knew something was wrong. And then we were in my room and she was crying. And Draco. He looked so pale.” Harry said as he looked from Hermione to Ron who was a few steps back.

“He tried killing himself.” Harry uttered out as his body trembled to the ground.

“Bloody hell.” Ron muttered, still keeping his distance from Harry.

“Do you guys know if he’s okay?” Harry asked. “Did McGonagall and Pomfrey get there in time?”

Hermione, who was rubbing Harry’s shoulders to bring warmth back into his body, looked up at Ron. There was shared look between them before one of them spoke up.

“They did, mate. McGonagall made Slughorn call healers from St. Mungo’s so they can apparate to Hogwarts. That’s when we followed after them. The entire Great Hall went silent. It actually scared a couple of the first years.” Ron explained.

“Headmistress McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey opened the door to the 8th grade common room and we could hear Pansy crying from the hallway. That’s when we saw you running outside.” Hermione continued. “You didn’t look like you, Harry. Are you okay?”

“The room was too much. It felt cold in there. I couldn’t look at Draco without remembering how I died.” Harry confessed.

There was a silent pause amongst the trio. None of them liked talking of the nightmares they all had. It became an unspoken rule to not relive or bring up the memories that still haunted them all.

Ron crouched down in front of Harry and Hermione.

“I think we should go back inside before someone gets worried and starts looking for us.” Ron said.

“I can’t go back in that room. Not now. Not for a while.” Harry admitted as his eyes shot up to look at Ron.

“You’ll stay in mine and Neville’s room. Don’t worry about it. I’ll get your things for you.” Ron stated as he pulled Harry and Hermione up from where they were sitting on the ground.

One by one, they took a deep breath and walked back inside the castle.

Harry tried remembering how long it’s been since he ran out of the Great Hall when a stinging hex missed his face by a hair. He was pulled to the side by Ron as he saw that the source of the hex was Pansy running angrily in their direction.


	3. Chapter 3

A drop of sweat fell down her nose. It could have been a tear drop, but with her emotions running high, Pansy didn’t seem to care. She had to find him. She had to confront him.

Every noise sounded prominent in her ears. She heard her soles of her shoes hit against the pavement floors, her heavy breathing as she ran across the corridor, and the paintings gossiping up on the walls. Their conversation standing out amongst all the others sounds were making her furious.

_‘Draco Malfoy tried to end his life.’_

_'That good for nothing Death Eater should have died long ago.’_

Pansy bolted faster down the hallway, gripping onto her wand for dear life, not letting the clammy sweat release her wand from her hand.

_'It wasn’t fair.’_ she thought. _'He lied. He was supposed to save us all. To save him.’_

Up in the front entrance, there stood a bushy haired girl, a red headed lanky boy, and the notorious “hero” she desired to confront. With her wand pointed in the direction of the Savior, she cast the jinx.

“Adflictatio Apis!”

The spell burst out towards the direction of Harry, only to have missed by a fraction of a centimeter.

Disgruntled, she ran straight towards Harry.

Already in position, Ron pulls Harry aside as Hermione pulls her wand out facing Pansy.

“Conjurus Copula!” Hermione exclaims as magical ropes dislodged from the tip of her wand and wrap around Pansy, restraining her from attacking.

“NO! Let me go!” Pansy cried out. “You were supposed to help him. You got him out from Azkaban. But it’s not fair how they’re still treating him.”

Harry moved from Ron’s clutches and began to kneel in front of Pansy.

“Mate, be careful.” Ron hesitantly stated.

Harry waved Ron off and looked straight into Pansy’s eyes.

“Who’s treating Draco like what? How is he?”

Pansy tried to get free from the ropes wrapped around her, but gave up as she grew tired of fighting.

“Healers came. They won’t help him because of what he has inked on his arm.” Pansy bitterly explained. “He was just a kid. He’s still just a kid. It’s not fair. He didn’t ask for this!”

“What do you mean he didn’t ask for this? He wanted to follow Voldemort!” Ron retorted.

“You don’t understand. He lived in the same house as the Dark Lord. He saw things that have scarred him.” Pansy whispered. “He had no choice, but to get the mark. He’s been lied to all his life. It’s not fair.”

Hermione and Ron shared another look amongst each other trying to process what Pansy is saying. Harry on the other hand seems to understand what Pansy is referring to. A pang of guilt starting to grow inside him.

Looking away from Ron and Hermione, Pansy pleaded to Harry.

“Pott- Harry, he thought it would all go away after you saved him from going to Azkaban. He grew up being told his heritage was better than anyone. That his family values we’re the only ones to follow. He realized too late that they were wrong, but he couldn’t get out of following The Dark Lord.”

“He took the mark to save his family,” Harry interrupted her as Pansy nodded in confirmation. “Dumbledore knew what Draco’s fate would be before he got the mark. He offered him help up in the tower.”

“Dumbledore knew what Draco had to go through. Knew that The Dark Lord took over The Manor, but didn’t do anything until that bastard had already instructed Snape to kill him.” Pansy said.

Harry’s thoughts were turning.

_Draco was just a kid. I was just a kid. Dumbledore had knowledge of our fates. Of our tasks without letting us know. Without properly helping or saving us._

“Draco doesn’t sleep anymore. He barely eats. He’s so haunted and bullied beyond belief. This isn’t the first time he tried to-” Pansy started to choke up.

“He’s tried killing himself before?” Hermione tentavily asked.

Pansy nodded her head as tears fell down her face. Hermione released the ropes holding on to Pansy as she no longer had suspicion of Pansy hurting either of them.

“I visited The Manor during the summer and found him on the floor of his bed drinking so many potions. Potions that weren’t ever supposed to taken after the other. I tackled him to make him stop. He didn’t want to stop.”

The trio became quiet. Noone knew what to say or how to react.

“You were the boy who lived. The one that saved the Wizarding World from evil. He knew you were going to win. Knew you were going to save everyone. Save him from living a life he no longer wanted. Because he was the boy who made all the wrong choices.”

Pansy words echoed through his mind.

_The boy who made all the wrong choices._

Choices he had to make because he had noone telling him right from wrong. Unlike Harry, who had the entire world behind him.

“I’ve got to go.” Harry stated.

“Where are you going?”

“Harry, come back here.”

Ron and Hermione’s voices drifted off as he headed towards McGonagall’s office. Hoping McGonagall hasn’t changed the password since last time,

“Lemon drops.”

The stairs appeared and Harry wasted no time as he bolted up each step.

“Potter, what are you doing here!” Headmistress McGonagall exclaimed.

“What are you doing to help Draco? Is it true that no healers want to help him?”

“No, they won’t help him. Mr. Potter, head back to the tower, this matter doesn’t concern you.”

“I don’t care! This is all our faults. He did this because of us. He tried killing himself because no one saved him. No one truly wanted to. And you’re not doing your job correctly if you don’t try and help him.” Harry confessed.

McGonagall was taken aback by Harry’s response.

With a deep breath, McGonagall continued.

“Harry. I will do everything in my power to make sure Draco gets the help he needs. I’m going down to the infirmary to see if Madame Pomfrey needs any assistance at this moment, considering she doesn’t have all the resources to fully examine Draco’s internal damage. After, I’m heading towards St. Mungo’s as well as speaking to Kingsley to ensure a healer is sent to aid him.”

Harry sighed with relief processing all this information.

“I’m sorry.” Harry started

“As am I. I’ll do everything I can.” McGonagall reassured him as she gave him a timid smile before she left her office.

Harry sat down on the couch in front of the cluttered desk with his hands pressed to his face. His thoughts were still hurting his brain as he tried to make sense of everything. He was interrupted by a voice. A voice that still haunted him.

“Harry, my boy. It’s good to see you.”

His shoulders tensed. Releasing his hands from his face, he looked up.

The beard on him was so distinguishable. They eyes on him still had that twinkle even if it was now painted. It was him.

“Dumbledore.”

Anger began to build up in Harry, finally standing in front of the man. The man who raised him, to only let him die for the “greater good.”


End file.
